looking for survivors of west nile virus

1. 

   jack raney

   184 Kudos

   12/09/08

   It's hard to believe that in the mist of all the hectic, chaotic things West Nile has put me through, there is a reason. Sure I wish things were like before, hell who wouldn't? It has taken some time to get to the point I feel comfortable in my new shoes, I kind of feel like I wore the old ones out.
   
   I didn't get to where I am over night, there wasn't any revelation, no writing on the wall, no road map with a marker your here and need to be here. I was a hit and miss, fly by wire type of adventure. If it wasn't for the love of my family and friends and those who I've met because of West Nile, I'm not sure where I'd be today.
   
   I don't live in the past, it's about what I use to do or what I accomplished in the past!!!!! It's about what I can do now, where I'm going and what I'll do where I get there.
   
   Be good to yourself, it gets better, it does.
   
   Jack

   
   Original comment »

2. 

   jack raney

   184 Kudos

   12/08/08

   Fran I'm not sure if we ever find the "REAL" me or us after what happened to us, maybe after the dust settles and our path becomes clearer we might find the pieces of our past life and begin to rebuild it all over again. Your right about the knowing part, how can someone know what you went through if they never experienced it 1st hand? We have to remember where we've been in order to know where were going, it took West Nile taking me to point of death to make me wake up and change my life. People find it hard to believe that I'm thankful for West Nile, when they have just had a mild case, it took death to wake me, to slow me down enough to listen to reason.
   
   I believe West Nile can either make me or break me, I had to make the choice's I made in order to surpass what the doctors told me I would be.
   
   I spent much of my early recovery fighting to be the man I use to be, battled with a myth more than a man. I'm a little over 4 years out, I'm still reminded of who I was prior to West Nile, still see the things I did, told about my triumphs, I'm not sure when it happened but the need to be that man slipped away. I'm satisified of who I've become, even though it's nice to have been thought of the way I use to be.
   Original comment »

   12/08/08

   Reply from granma3xnow:

   Jack,
   Boy is it true!! Like a dream, someone said the person bathing me was wasting their time....cause I was going to die. I didn't care, I was so tired.
   But only the good die young, so I survived. In my mind I can still see that I used to be able to work. I was a really terrible "work aholic", all the kids were grown and gone, and it sure beats hanging out in an empty house. I used to be able to drive faster than 35, super highways are out. (If I travel to the next town...back roads all the way) I remember "striding" places, now faster than an amble and I'm off balance. I still read alot, the doctors tell me it may help my eye. (thank goodness I can read) I used be able to use my head, without it causing extreme pain...and of course my son-i-law says, mom just quit thinking!!! Every day, just moving is painful. (am I just supposed to sit around?) I have an Assoc. in Accounting, and some times it takes a long time to do math..even with a calculator.
   I was pretty much happy with who I was, and proud of the fact that I got there on my own. I don't know if I'll ever "find" myself again, but is it really that important? Probably not.
   Today again, I'm bitten by the work bug. If I can gain some stamina back, I'd like to try working again. I just can't see hanging around without something constructive to do.
   It sure is bizzare, but perhaps my time isn't done. So I have to figure out how best to use my time. Living in the past isn't the way to go. So I could do some things before that I can't do now, big deal.....Onward and upward.
   Funny, the doctors told me there were other folks out there with the same kind of problems I was having. I didn't believe it until I started reading the posts.
   Fran

3. 

   jack raney

   184 Kudos

   12/06/08

   Some people get over it like nothing happened to them, some struggle to live the simplest of life, some fight and find away out and never turn around to see where they came from. I'm a different breed, I fought to be better, fell many times, skinned my knees, blacked both my eyes. I might not be who I was or who I thought I should be,,,,,,, I'm more. It takes time to recover.

   12/07/08

   Reply from granma3xnow:

   Yes, there were so many bruises on me, my own mother did not want to look at me. I spent several days in a coma, and don't remember much of my hospital stay. When I woke up, just befor transfer to a nursing home, I couldn't even sit up. My brain was working, not well, and I have been very frustrated ever since. I couldn't walk right because my left side was affected. My brain "said" this is nuts!!! You were just on your feet in August 2007. I couldn't verbalize, because it caused great pain, just to think.
   But, I was fighting for my freedom!!!!
   I most likely started walking at age 1, I wanted some of that back. So I kept wiggling everything I could. And practicing talking!! (mostly cursing) ha-ha. I told the nursing home folks to let me out, they said "how are you going to leave" and I said "through the front door, same way I came in".
   The walker, the cane, and then free standing. Several months of physical therapy and I had gone as far as I could. Every day I am still surprised by some form of vertigo. My walk is just a shuffle, as I cannot "speed" up. But I am still on my feet!!!! (only one who has "kissed the floor" can know what it is like)
   Many months later, my first time behind the wheel of my car.....whew!! I can only drive about slow and I feel nauseous doing that. But this is a small town, so I don't have to go fast. A couple of chores a day is all I'm good for. Then it takes several days to recover.
   While I wake up some mornings with a feeling of OH WOW YOU MADE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT!! I'm glad I made it. However I do still wonder where the "rest" of me is. She is in my head, she just hasn't found her way out yet.

looking for survivors of west nile virus